What do you do when a friendship reaches a point where things have changed and you don't feel like such great friends anymore? Lives do move on and people and their situations change. When those changes happen in a friendship, one side often feels rejected, and rejection is one of the most difficult emotions with which to deal.
If you're the one feeling rejected, you’ve got a choice to make. You can let rejection take you down the path that many take, that of getting angry and making judgments and excuses. But better for you might be to think kindly, stay peaceful and work to avoid that stress in your life.
Look at the situation objectively. Has something that once bonded you been removed from the picture – like similar professional lives or children with common interests? Have other activities or people entered your lives that have changed the dynamics of your friendship? You may realize too that while your friendship doesn’t have to end, it may be time for change.
Use your heartsense to make good choices. Stay friendly and courteous, but let the relationship take its natural course. Forcing the issue either way may cause undue stress and even pain.
Friendships change, but good manners never go out of style.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
Pack a Little Heartsense for the Flight
It’s Spring Break time, meaning many families may be flying with children. Little can be done about a child’s excited squeals of delight or the cries that come from pressure changes. However, there are things parents can do to keep the flight as pleasant as possible.
Talk with children on their level beforehand to explain what’s expected. As a parent, be prepared to be “on.” If you expect to be entertaining the little people for the duration of the flight, it won’t become a stress inducer. When the activities you brought get boring, get creative. Shop the Sky Mall catalog together or take a walk up the aisle. Produce a surprise item stashed in a carry-on. A whole roll of Scotch tape to himself could keep a three-year-old entertained for …minutes.
Those without children should pack a little heartsense along with their noise-cancelling headphones. Sometimes the best efforts of parents do not lead to complete control.
Friendly skies and good manners never go out of style.
Talk with children on their level beforehand to explain what’s expected. As a parent, be prepared to be “on.” If you expect to be entertaining the little people for the duration of the flight, it won’t become a stress inducer. When the activities you brought get boring, get creative. Shop the Sky Mall catalog together or take a walk up the aisle. Produce a surprise item stashed in a carry-on. A whole roll of Scotch tape to himself could keep a three-year-old entertained for …minutes.
Those without children should pack a little heartsense along with their noise-cancelling headphones. Sometimes the best efforts of parents do not lead to complete control.
Friendly skies and good manners never go out of style.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Computer Connections
I spent about two weeks recently without my computer and have come to some new realizations. If I had any doubt or negative feelings on using the computer to communicate or fears about lack of respect conveyed through it, they’re gone.
I missed my computer terribly. I felt I lost real contact with people who are in my personal world. With it I’ve created a tangible network of people who are important to my life, but who, like me, are busy. We rarely are available at the same time for a phone chat and we schedule our lunch dates weeks in advance. Via email I feel I really can express my heart, be spontaneous in connecting and truly stay in touch.
Face-to-face contact will always be vital to relationships and the only choice for confrontation and real-time dialog in which you need the benefit of body language and voice tone to fully understand. But for the day-to-day and in-between times, email keeps the lines of communication open and flowing.
Like clear connections, good manners never go out of style.
I missed my computer terribly. I felt I lost real contact with people who are in my personal world. With it I’ve created a tangible network of people who are important to my life, but who, like me, are busy. We rarely are available at the same time for a phone chat and we schedule our lunch dates weeks in advance. Via email I feel I really can express my heart, be spontaneous in connecting and truly stay in touch.
Face-to-face contact will always be vital to relationships and the only choice for confrontation and real-time dialog in which you need the benefit of body language and voice tone to fully understand. But for the day-to-day and in-between times, email keeps the lines of communication open and flowing.
Like clear connections, good manners never go out of style.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Polite Pilot Teaches Lesson in Receiving
I've been encouraged to comment on Capt. Chesley Sullenberger, the pilot who safely landed a full passenger jet in the Hudson River after a collision with a flock of birds disabled the plane.
Sullenberger’s response to the reaction of the public to his life-saving deeds and his journey to that response has taught us a great lesson in the joy of giving and receiving. Sullenberger wrote in the Feb. 23 issue of Newsweek magazine: “It’s been a difficult adjustment, initially because of the ‘hero’ mantle that was pushed in my direction. I felt for a long time that that wasn’t an appropriate word…. That was why initially I decided that if someone offered me the gift of their thankfulness, I should accept it gratefully – but then not take it on as my own.
"As time when by, though, I was better able to put everything in perspective and realize how this event had touched people’s lives, how ready they were for good news, how much they wanted to feel hopeful again.”
Sullenberger came to realize that the gifts of people’s thankfulness and joy expressed to him were as important for the givers as they were for him.
That is true with any gift. The giver of a gift takes the time and thought to select and purchase something they believe the receiver will enjoy and that will relay a message about their relationship and its value. For all of that sentiment to be conveyed, the receiver must be open to it. She must accept the gift and thoughtfulness behind it.
A receiver who doesn’t know how to accept a gift runs the risk of distancing himself from those who want to show their affection and love. Received indifferently, a gift given in joy can become a source of hurt feelings and damaged relationships.
Since the river landing, Sullenberger and his crew have had to come to terms with the realization that simply by doing their jobs – following their training and valuing the lives on that plane – they became heroes to the people their actions saved and to the rest of us. And that even in accepting the thankfulness and attention of the public, they can remain true to themselves. “That accepting it isn’t selling out,” Sullenberger wrote.
We all should realize that when it comes to giving, heartsense -- that common sense of the heart -- must be present on each end of the exchange.
Sullenberger’s response to the reaction of the public to his life-saving deeds and his journey to that response has taught us a great lesson in the joy of giving and receiving. Sullenberger wrote in the Feb. 23 issue of Newsweek magazine: “It’s been a difficult adjustment, initially because of the ‘hero’ mantle that was pushed in my direction. I felt for a long time that that wasn’t an appropriate word…. That was why initially I decided that if someone offered me the gift of their thankfulness, I should accept it gratefully – but then not take it on as my own.
"As time when by, though, I was better able to put everything in perspective and realize how this event had touched people’s lives, how ready they were for good news, how much they wanted to feel hopeful again.”
Sullenberger came to realize that the gifts of people’s thankfulness and joy expressed to him were as important for the givers as they were for him.
That is true with any gift. The giver of a gift takes the time and thought to select and purchase something they believe the receiver will enjoy and that will relay a message about their relationship and its value. For all of that sentiment to be conveyed, the receiver must be open to it. She must accept the gift and thoughtfulness behind it.
A receiver who doesn’t know how to accept a gift runs the risk of distancing himself from those who want to show their affection and love. Received indifferently, a gift given in joy can become a source of hurt feelings and damaged relationships.
Since the river landing, Sullenberger and his crew have had to come to terms with the realization that simply by doing their jobs – following their training and valuing the lives on that plane – they became heroes to the people their actions saved and to the rest of us. And that even in accepting the thankfulness and attention of the public, they can remain true to themselves. “That accepting it isn’t selling out,” Sullenberger wrote.
We all should realize that when it comes to giving, heartsense -- that common sense of the heart -- must be present on each end of the exchange.
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